My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
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The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
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