that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize