I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
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The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize