I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize