you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize