Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize