so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
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And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
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Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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