I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
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He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
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they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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