happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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