As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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