The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize