yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
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We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
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All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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