I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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