I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
