I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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