It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
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I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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