We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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