Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize