Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize