Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
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That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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