i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
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nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
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Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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