I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
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I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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