Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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