Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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