Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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