Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
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I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
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Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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