I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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