I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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