I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
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He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
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Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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