Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize