I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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