I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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