I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize