dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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