He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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