In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
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