If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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