Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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