1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything about him screamed your future.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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