I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
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I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
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Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize