he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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