its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
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I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
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I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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