i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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