My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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