Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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