I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
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They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
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She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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