Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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