Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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