i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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