i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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